Remember To Let Her Into Your Heart...

I'll blog about the cruise when I have enough energy to write.... a lot!

Jude wants to focus on living his life for him and touring with one of his bands. I understand that- mostly. He says he'll always feel a certain way for me and he thinks he'll eventually maybe want to work things out. I know that's bullshit and a very unfair thing to say to someone you break up with but I do have a point in bringing this up. If he says that, then why can't it be now? I've never asked him to miss out on anything or compromise his boys' nights because of me. I've never asked anything of him. The only thing I want now is monogamy. But... he wants to tour.

Is it completely demented of me to fear for him? It probably is. But what if I get tired of waiting and meet a nice guy (doubtful, but this is hypothetical) and settle down and Jude begins to feel like playing music is like a job and it's just not enjoyable anymore. He'll come back to no career, no relationship that was once all we ever needed, and no desire to play music anymore. It makes me wonder if this whole thing is really worth it... for him and me. Hhh, I just miss him :/

And I know I sound pathetic... but what if I acted totally fine and he (eventually) decided he was ready? I know him. He'd think, "Oh, she's doing fine so I'll just suffer in silence and let her be..." Whatever. I'm psychotic. But... he'll know.